Photography, Thinking

Lately in my mind.

Shot yesterday with iPhone 4S

Long time no see, I know. My days lately are a complete mess. While I’m writing this, it’s 3 o’clock (am in case you are wondering), I’m lying on my bed watching my better half sleeping (he’s so perfect!) listening to music (the skints, brit band I can’t stop listening to!!) and unable to sleep due to horrible pain that no painkiller kills (irony, I know!) Last Monday I had one of my wisdom teeth removed in the shake of a beautiful smille. Big regrets!! A week after the pain is driving me crazy. You see I’m such a lucky dude that most of the time every single f***ing time what could go wrong, it will!! Like when I ordered my first Tod’s online and the parcel just got lost somewhere, now there have also been some complications with the mini-operation. So I’m completely transformed into a night owl zombie. Can’t sleep at night because the pain feels unbearable once sun sets and I’m sleepy allllllll day.

Camomile tea is my best friend at the moment and my thoughts my worst enemy. You see, now that I stay up all night my brain is just over working. I have reviewed each decision I made during the last year. Questions like why it is so difficult to sit down and study to graduate eventually, or why haven’t I finished unpacking my stuff yet since it’s been a full month from moving in with him (trust me it’s not because of second thoughts!!!) are trying to find their answers in what scientists would describe as (my) brain.

The conclusion I have ended in is that all comes from the only part of my life is so hard to fix. My personal life is better than ever, I mean I have found someone to share my days with who makes me want to be the better version of myself. I have great friends, an amazing family who supports me (big time!!), I know what I want to do in my life and what I don’t. But, and here is the situation I can’t deal with, I am more than a year unemployed. That means zero income and me being a burden to my parents and sometimes to him. For that I hate myself. In my 23 I am unable to find a job. That is mostly because the unemployment rate in Greece for young people is over 60%, but also because the pay is terrible and I value my time more. Now most of you may think that okay girl you could compromise if you don’t want to depend on your parents to pay your rent, bills and super market. I have thought of it a lot! But in Greece thanks to austerity (it’s irony of course) the average wage barely overcomes 400 euros when you are under 25 (it is 500 for those over 25) and I’m talking about more than 8 hours of work. And this is for the «lucky» ones, because you can only try to find half-time jobs (4 to 6 hours) for half money of course. And even if you made it to find a job, they treat you like you are disposable because you know what, there are a few hundred thousand out there ready to compromise better that you!

Is this the work life you are dreaming for yourself? Because it definitely is not what am I dreaming and what I want for mine. I never wanted money, expensive lifestyle, riches and all those things for my life. My biggest dream is to travel around the world carrying a backpack and my camera! (Am I dreaming too much? Maybe!)

Anyway, maybe it’s time to unpack those boxes!

Is my mind a chaos? Is there hope? What do you think?

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